I Had a Dream My Dog Died
I had a dream a few nights ago that my dog died, and no one cared. I woke up crying and my dog came to my bedside and rested his head on my arm. I couldn’t stop crying. It made me realize how much I really love him, and how he has been there for me through thick and thin the past 5 years. In that moment of delusion, it felt like my dog had really died. Just thinking about his passing someday makes me tear up.
He was there when I graduated with my Masters degree.
He was there when I decided to move from place to place and three different cities.
He was there through the fighting.
He was there through the break ups.
He was there when no one else was.
He was there when I cried myself to sleep countless nights.
He was there to remind me to take breaks from work and breathe some fresh air.
He was there in my highest and my lowest points.
He was there when I woke up crying and he rested his head on my shoulder, and put his big heavy paws on my arm to comfort me.
He continues to be here for me every single day and loves me no matter how I show up. He loves me even when I’m mad at him. Even on days I can’t even remember if I fed him. Even on days I’m consumed by work and don’t take him out to play. He’s there for the long car rides even though he may not like them. He’s there to protect me from strangers. He makes me feel safe every night. I never thought I could love a dog so much, but you truly can’t understand until you experience it.
That’s the beauty of death, it makes you realize what you have while you have it. Thinking about death is usually something people avoid, but I think it’s actually eye opening. Dreaming about Rocky dying made me realize how much I would miss him, and what my life would be like without him. I dedicated that day to stepping away from my computer and doing everything Rocky loves to do. We went to the dog park, which we hadn’t been to in months. We got a puppaccino, and went for a long walk. Now I’m more conscious of his needs. I realized I hadn’t bought him a bone in so long! The other day I took him to Petco so he could pick out a bone, which made us both happy.
The lesson that I learned here is- cherish the ones you love while you have them. Think about them dying. What would that feel like for you? Are you holding on to grudges and silly things that aren’t worth it? Or is your pride keeping you from expressing how you really feel?
If thinking about death makes you sad. I want you to sit with it. Explore your thoughts. Always question your thoughts and trace them back to the core. Where are these thoughts coming from? Do you have some unfinished business on this earth? The hard truth is that no one’s life is ever promised. You may think you’re going to live until you’re 80–90 years old, but you don’t know that.
My maternal grandmother died when I was around 7 years old, or maybe even younger. My biological mother died when I was 10 years old in a car accident. My great-grandmother outlived both of them. She passed away when I was in college. Life isn’t promised, that’s not a negative statement, it’s the truth. Resisting something that is inevitable, is just creating more suffering. I challenge you to embrace this hard truth, sit with it, and see what comes up for you. Try not to be afraid of death, because there is beauty in death. Life would lose its meaning if we lived forever.
I want to be mindful of those who suffer from fear of abandonment, which can be described as a deeply rooted fear of being abandoned that can lead to significant stress, panic, and emotional reactions. Some affirmations to practice are:
“I am safe.”
“I am here, I am loved, and I will love those around me.”
“My loved ones are safe.”
“I will use this information as a tool, and not as absolute information.”
“I let go of fear and will be present.”
I also want to acknowledge those who have lost loved ones, and encourage you to continue conversing with your loved ones through prayer, spiritual practice, journaling, meditations, movement, or anything that helps you feel connected to those who have left the physical realm. Despite your beliefs, it is restorative to express your inner thoughts and feelings.
I’d like to share some quotes from the book “No Death, No Fear,” by Thich Nhat Hanh,
“Some people do not even want to look at a person when the person is alive, but when the person dies they write eloquent obituaries and make offerings of flowers. At that point the person has died and cannot really enjoy the fragrance of the flowers anymore. If we really understood and remembered that life was impermanent, we would do everything we could to make the other person happy right here and right now. If we spend twenty-four hours being angry at our beloved, it is because we are ignorant of impermanence.”
“It is only because of our misunderstanding that we think the person we love no longer exists after they ‘pass away.’ This is because we are attached to one of the forms, one of the many manifestations of that person. When that form is gone, we suffer and feel sad. The person we love is still there. He is around us, within us and smiling at us. In our delusion we cannot recognize him, and we say: ‘He no longer is.’ We ask over and over, ‘Where are you? Why did you leave me all alone?’ Our pain is great because of our misunderstanding. But the cloud is not lost. Our beloved is not lost. The cloud is manifesting in a different form. Our beloved is manifesting in a different form. If we can understand this, then we will suffer much less.”
These two quotes may seem to contradict each other, however one acknowledges how death and understanding impermanence can make us cherish our loved ones while they are in physical form. While the 2nd quote reminds us that our loved ones are still here with us in spirit. It’s the idea that “something,” cannot transform to “nothing.” Just as wood burns in a campfire, where does the wood go? Is it gone forever? Parts of it float into the air, other parts of it are left over as ashes.
When I look in the mirror I see my mother. I see her in my facial structure, my body, and my spirit. If I came from her, how could she be gone? I still pray to my mother, feel her presence, and talk to her from time to time. She continues to live in me, in my brothers, and in the world around me. Knowing this brings me great peace.
Was I always peaceful? No. I carried so much hurt, anger, pain, and regret when my mother died. We were angry at each other the last time I saw her. I have worked really hard to get through this pain. I forgive myself, and I know she forgives me too.
Death helps us hone in and develop our inner strength. It helps us realize how beautiful and precious life is. It reminds us that our time on this planet is limited. It helps us distinguish between what is important and what is a waste of time and energy. It allows us to purely cherish our loved ones, our experiences, our days, and our life. It makes me want to spread joy and say hi to strangers. How does the concept of death impact your life in a meaningful way?
